Jap Kids Say the Darnedest Things

The whole series here.

They All Look Alike

With The Lights Out!



I did pretty good, considering I did it blindfolded.

Perfunctory hat tip to Japundit.
I better blogroll him. He is pretty funny.

Korean Word of the Week, 22 February

Nodongjagu - "Work Camp" My wonderful little productivity centers.

They Like Me! They Really Like Me!

Review of Beloved Leader

"I just saw . The source for this page is standards-compliant. It must have taken eons to craft the page. The color scheme is minimalist, pure feng shui. Another pro: put up a link to this page.
(...)
Five-star. Seeing Beloved Leader, I'm simply so inspired. What a great page! The page contains 72 links, a balanced amount. There are 30,763 characters in the code, which is an awesome length for Google. Glorious. The URL has 33 characters. That's just the right size.
If only the Linux Homepage would have a swell page like that. Well, I expected the creator to do this well. This page has the power to change our culture."
-- Heather Watson, Gigantic Web

Suck up.

Get your review at this site.

Perfunctory hat tip to GI Korea.

Another Year Older

What a party! Parades, bands, speeches, dancing girls, baby-oil naked Twister games. No fireworks, though. My generals remind me that our Paki Present is the only one we can be reasonably sure will detonate. Boy, did I give them a look. Why could you not just pop one of ours? They were afraid of failure. What good is having nuclear weapons if you never use them? An atomic explosion in the East Sea might be just the thing to reawake Godzilla and send him stomping through Tokyo again...and we'd have deniability. Of course, it would have been bad for the fishing.

Boy, am I bushed. You think it funny that I use that word Bush? As much as my state media talks down the man, I must confess...I love that dude! We are so much alike. Am I not a conservative nationalist? What is more conservative that keeping the same head of state for decades? Do I not encourage worship in the government (as long as it is me and/or Daddy)? Do we both not yearn to overthrow the world governments and plunder their resources? Do we both not cavort in front of a mirror wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and gunbelt?

He has got some wrong ideas about wealth redistribution, though. He lets his country have too much wealth--that is the trouble with having to get elected. Imagine what he could do if he put his fat nation on a diet and sold his wealth of wheat, meat, guns, and technology for foreign capital? What a missed opportunity. He could buy Malta and use it as an unsinkable aircraft carrier in the Med. And use France as a bombing range.

At least he has the right idea about social welfare...do not give handouts to the lazy masses--make them work for it. Too bad he can not starve the unproductive ones or send dissenters to the gulag. Overcoming these obstacles to power make me admire him even more. If we could only trade places.

No card or telegram for my birthday, though.

Early Birthday Present!

Many thanks to the Czech Republic ambassador for the lovely color print. I think I'll hang it in my library. This was probably a sop to me for failing to get Team America: World Police banned in his country. To tell you the truth, I have not even seen it yet. Why is it taking them so long to release it to DVD?

I Made the Big Time

Finally, after I have wowwed the masses countless times with my witty captioning, Outside the Beltway was made me the subject of one of their Caption Contests. I remember this day well...the old ajima kept trying to fix me up with her spinster daughter. They say, take a look at the mother and that is how the woman will appear when she ages. Colonel Min eventually took her behind the barn and beat her with a lead pipe for me.

Who is Sorry?

North Korean leader Kim Jong-il comes second in a sorry top ten of the world’s worst dictators compiled by the U.S. magazine Parade.

I worked hard to get where I am today, and I refuse to believe that Sudanese dustmonkey Omar al-Bashir is a better dictator than I. I am certain the wording is just one of those Jordan Eason misspeakings that are so rife in the warmongering press in America. I will show you who is Number 2...light the candles!

Perfunctory bow to The Lost Nomad, who reads that dung-smeared drivel so I do not have to.

Oh, Goodie

Someone found my Glorious Blog by searching for "Korean Anal Massage."

I feel so dirty, I think I will take a bath.

After my anal massage.

T-Minus Five Days

Until My Birthday! Yeah, I am stoked...I understand there will be fireworks!



Ha! Cowboy Blob doubts the navigation skills of my pilots!

Only Six Shopping Days Left

Until my Birthday!

Yes, they are adding another candle to my cake in a week and all the Party chairmen are pestering me for hints of what I want for a present. What, is 500,000 tons of fertilizer not good enough? My sock-puppet Ro wants to gift-wrap some defectors for me...if they were people I wanted, I would have fed them! What a tool.

Really, my birthday is not about me, but about the masses. Everybody gets a new pair of shoes. Maybe some Toblerones, too, if they are good Socialists. Even for the bad Socialists, I might reduce the sawdust to rice ratio in their gruel for the week.

This week, I have wrestled with the Succession issue. The Party elite intimate that this Birthday would be a splendid time for the announcement, but I am leaning toward waiting for the Big 65. I do not know why they are in such a hurry...what could happen in 2 years? Maybe, by then, one of my drudges for sons will have accomplished something worthy of my successor. I will not hold my breath.

Oh, one more thing...when wishing me Happy Birthday, you may use the familiar "saeng-il" for birthday. The honorific "saeng-shin" gives me the creeps now that I am fluent in English.

Korean Word of the Day, February 6

Bap - Cooked rice. As rice is such a staple in Korea (kinda like tree bark for those wacky tree-lovers in the northeast) the word means much more than just rice in our language; it means food itself.

Bap-sang: Dinner table
Kae-bap: Dog food (no, not dogmeat and rice! Everyone knows dog is best served in soup!)
Bap-bolli: Literally "rice earning" equates to "bread-winning" and "bringing home the bacon."

It is also good for some put-downs.

Bap-tong: Literally "rice barrel" can be used to describe that good-for-nothing agent of mine who is still unable to deliver Akira Fubuki to my bedchamber.

Bap-taeki: Literally "rice cooker" can get you a night on the couch with a case of "lac'o'nookie" if you use it on the little woman.

I Like 'Em Dumb

Some hack puppet scribbling gibberish for the Associated Press is belittling my short hair edict:

The reclusive communist country is waging a hair war, telling its male population to mow the mane to conform to "socialist style" - no longer than two inches.

Even hair-challenged, authoritarian leader Kim Jong Il has trimmed his famous pompadour. One exception, however: Comradely comb-overs are OK for older men.

The short-hair campaign was launched in October, but it reached new lengths yesterday when state-run Central TV began ridiculing nonconformists as unhygienic, anti-socialist fools.

It comes as North Korea's dictatorship struggles to ward off the influence of other nations, tighten its control over information, monitor its population and dictate cultural tastes.

State TV even derided violators of the order by name and address, calling them "blind followers of bourgeois lifestyle," and exposing them to jeers from other citizens.

"Can we expect a man with this disheveled mind-set to perform his duty well?" a narrator asked of one man shown on TV.

As North Korea's economic woes persist, more North Koreans are traveling to China - where long hair is in fashion - to seek food and are exposed to the rapidly spreading capitalist culture there. CDs and videos of South Korean songs and TV dramas - popular in most of Asia - also are reportedly smuggled into the North.

Kim's dictum claims that long hair hampers brain activity by taking oxygen away from nerves in the head.

North Korea's campaign does not mention any rules for women and gives no explanation as to why their long hair would not result in reduced brain activity.

Like I said, I like 'em dumb.

So, you ask why the edict in the first place? Teddy Bear Stuffing. Plain and simple, barber shops nationwide send the hair to collection points where our foreign currency-earning industries make teddy bears, insulated jackets, and pillows using this free and self-renewing resource.

h/t to Clayton Cramer